larrysshowersthatarebritish: worldfamousprofessor: spelling bee moderator: contestant 142, your word is “fergalicious” contestant: *looks around nervously* um… could i please have a definition? moderator: *flips through dictionary* “fergalicious. definition: make them boys go loco.”
I’ve been writing stuff about people in my book wanting a war to be over by Christmas but then I just realized there’s no such thing as Christmas in this goddamn universe I made up
zerostop: followers are great because they make you feel good when you’re feeling down and sometime s they just know like 20 different ways to eat kale
spookypepper: my grandma noticed i was upset so she handed me this spaghetti noodle with a loop in it I’m so happy
tardis-in-purgatory: i want the first scene of season 9 to be some sleazy creep trying to pick up this girl and he wraps his greasy arm around her and goes “so… did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” and she yanks out her angel blade and ganks him and as his mutilated corpse falls to the ground she mutters “i hate this planet”
rabioheab: i don’t mackle enough i need to mackle more
herpski: Is That The Singers Native Language or Bad English a eurovision-themed game for the whole family
confusedtree: In all seriousness Idris Elba as the 12th Doctor would be a great casting choice because he’d kill it and we’d get to find out just exactly how many anglophiles are also gigantic racists
tyrannia: how do you aggressively flirt with someone like you look fucking pretty today you fucking bitch
maleteen: if anyone ever breaks your heart just remember they are only human and you can break their body
tennants-companion: so I was forced to go to church and all these babies were screaming and I said “we wouldn’t be having this problem if the church supported abortion” and the guy next to me almost had a heart attack
have u ever accidentally opened the wrong cabinet in ur kitchen and it’s just like wtf how long have i lived here again
pingustolemysanity: imagine-your-fav-character: Imagine your favorite character barging into your room this moment, grabbing your hand, and taking you with them into their world Lets be honest though most of us would be dead within a week
thelilnan: OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE OKAY AJAX SOAP THEIR SLOGAN IS “STRONGER THAN GREASE” AND I WAS LIKE OKAY YEAH MAKES SENSE FOR A DISH SOAP- WAIT AJAX WAS A GREEK SOLDIER RENOWNED FOR HIS STRENGTH AJAX IS STRONGER THAN ALL OF GREECE
goldenwingsofgabriel: WHEN THIS GUY: IS ACTUALLY PLAYED BY THIS GUY:
thebelsarecooking: thepyrolizard: imagine-the-unimaginative: thepyrolizard: SO, Harry Potter and the order of the phoenix, right? I guess that’s when the books started getting dead sirius Get the fuck out don’t worry, I have a lot more bellatrix up my sleeve i will rise voldemort back from the dead to get you
gothlolita: im Sorry but you two cant get the marriage. the bible said Adam and Eve not matthew and ashley. come back when youve legally changed your names
hetare-hetalia: spamanos: omg those vocals...
methlabrador: you know in hindsight maybe 30 minutes stuck in an elevator was a little too early to resort to cannibalism but none of us had breakfast that morning and we panicked
when people you dont like keep trying to talk to you what the frick does this even mean i dont know but i feel it
nancyrosee: looz-y: boltong: i hate it when people say no homo after complimenting someone fuck that im full homo im going to lay you down on a bed of rose petals and whisper that compliment lasciviously to you It’s borderline shameful how hard I laughed at that gif.
drarna: did you know that the collective noun for crows is murder? i’ve conveniently written it in the fog of your bathroom mirror so you remember.
Being sick in Elementary: Yay home from school chicken noodle soup and movies
Being sick in high school: OH MY GOSH I'M GOING TO MISS A MATH NOTE AND THEN GET BEHIND IN ENGLISH AND THEN I'LL HAVE LATE MARKS OFF MY PRESENTATION AND I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL BECAUSE I'M GOING TO FAIL EVERYTHING AND DIE ALONE UNEDUCATED AND OLD AND NOT KNOWING HOW TO GRAPH A PARABOLA
College: did I have class today
grungeisde4d: this is really selfish but why can’t mental illness be like any other kind of sickness where you go to hospital and your loved ones come and give you flowers and tell you that they love you and hold your hand and make sure you get better why doesn’t that happen instead of awkward silences and embarrassing tears and messy bedsheets and a bunch of other stuff no one actually talks...
bootyness: carryonmylonelyangel: amazingandonfire: once I asked my English teacher if teachers shipped their students and after explaining what shipping meant she told me that that is literally one of the most popular discussions in the staff room I had an English teacher who thought these two students were nice together, so she made them partners on a project. They got married.
torintitious: scuzzmutt: [SMASHES INTO YOUR BEDROOM] [SHOVES YOU INTO BED] [AGGRESSIVELY TUCKS YOU IN] [THROWS STUFFED ANIMALS AT YOU] [SCREAMS A BEDTIME STORY AT YOU] [KISSES YOUR FOREHEAD] [BACKFLIPS OFF YOUR MATTRESS] [RUNS OUT OF THE ROOM] [SLAMS THE DOOR] i thought this was going to be sexual then i read the third line
raging-woodcock: Girl look at that body, Girl look at that body, Girl look at that body, We should probably call the police who knows how long it’s been in the river.